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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271928">We Can Roll All Night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/calefactus/pseuds/calefactus'>calefactus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Begging, Canon Compliant, Dean Winchester Dies, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heaven, Jack's Heaven, M/M, Multi, Starts during finale, light kink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:48:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271928</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/calefactus/pseuds/calefactus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean dies on a hunt, he goes to heaven and finds the people he loves most waiting to welcome him.<br/>Including an angel he never expected to see again. After Castiel's confession at the bunker, Dean left many things unsaid. Now they have the opportunity to find out where this revelation will lead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Introduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center"><p>
    <b></b>
  </p><h1>Introduction </h1>
<p>
    <b>“I love you.”</b>
  </p></div>Dean jumped awake, a scream caught in his throat and reaching out into the emptiness of his room. He had fallen asleep with the light on. Every shadow looked sinister now. Sam had noticed that Dean never slept in the dark anymore, but knew better than to say anything. Dean felt bad enough without being teased for being afraid of every shadow. They never talked about Cas either. Sam had tried to bring it up a few times, wondering what had happened, but it became clear very quickly that Dean would not tell him what went down in that room. What would he say anyway?<p>“Oh yeah, by the way, remember all those jokes people made about how Cas and I were butt buddies? Well, right before the Empty took him away from us forever, Cas professed his love for me. So there’s that. Also, I think I love him too so I guess I’m gay now?”</p>
<p>Yeah, that would go great. Dean groaned and smashed his pillow over his face. Now he would never know. Why couldn’t he just tell Cas? Why did he wait for the last possible moment? What would have happened if they’d had this conversation a month ago? A year? Or five??</p>
<p>Dean reached for the bottle of whiskey on his bedside table and drained the last few ounces. The pounding in his head softened and he managed to crawl out of bed and into the shower. He couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night’s sleep. Having Miracle helped, but even the sweet fluffy dog wasn’t a cure-all. Nothing could soothe the pain that Cas’s death had brought. It had been months and they had scoured every book they could find, but there was nothing that could be done about it. Cas was gone. Forever. It made Dean feel off balance and uneasy all the time, like there was something he had forgotten but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Not having his best friend there was like losing his arm. Every time the phone rang, or a case came up, he thought of Cas and the pain washed over him again, taking his breath away. </p>
<p>If only he could go back. If only Cas had told him about the deal, they could have done something. Anything. Instead, Cas hid it from them and now he was gone. Dead, Dean reminded himself. He’s dead and there’s no getting him back. Dean punched the wall of the shower, busting his knuckles against the cold wet tile. He braced his hands against the walls and bowed his head, blankly watching the blood swirl in the water and go down the drain.<br/>
‘Cas,’ he prayed ‘don’t do this. You can’t leave me. I can’t… I don’t know how to do this without you.’</p>
<p>There was no answer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hold On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The boys have tearful reunions and begin to settle in to their new place in Heaven.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I said it wouldn't be long for Chapter 1 but I didn't think it would be this quick!<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <h1>Hold On </h1>
</div><p>Dean never thought he would go out like this. On a hunt, sure. But taken down by a handful of bloodsuckers and a piece of rebar? After everything he’d faced, he was killed by an oversized nail. He would never live it down. </p>
<p>One minute he was coughing up blood, and the next he was in heaven with Bobby. His thoughts raced as he realized that everyone they had lost over the years was here. Bobby, Mom, Dad, Jo and Ellen, even Baby. Dean took her for a ride, and ended up on a bridge, looking out over the beautiful landscape. A smile and a sense of peace overtook him, and he knew that Sam was there. They embraced and stood together. The war was over, and they were home. Dean and Sam sighed serenely. </p>
<p>Retired. They were finally officially retired. </p>
<p>‘Cas, I wish you were here.’ Dean thought and leaned against the hood of his car comfortably. </p>
<p>After a moment, he heard a familiar rush of wings. His heart leapt into his throat and he froze. Dean closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep steady breath. It had to be Jack. It couldn’t possibly be--</p>
<p>“Dean.” Castiel’s deep voice trembled. Dean opened his eyes and saw Sam gaping and looking over his shoulder. Dean stood and turned. There he stood in his trench coat and tie, as if the Empty had never happened. The two stared at each other, frozen. Their eyes filled with tears and Dean’s hands shook as he rushed to hug Cas. He rested his head on the angel’s shoulder and wept, clutching him like Cas would disappear if he let go. They stood in silence broken only by shuddering gasps of tearful relief. It seemed to be hours before they broke apart reluctantly and even then they stood grasping each other by the shoulders. </p>
<p>“Cas, I don’t understand. We looked for months and couldn’t find any way to bring you back.” </p>
<p>“Jack pulled me from the Empty. He needed as many angels as he could get to fix heaven, and he missed my guidance.” </p>
<p>Sam looked surprised.<br/>
“Fix heaven?” Dean nodded.</p>
<p>“Everyone is in the same heaven now. It’s not just memories. We can spend forever with our friends and family… the real ones.” </p>
<p>“There’s even a Roadhouse here. We should go once you get settled in.” Castiel told them. </p>
<p>“Settled in... I didn’t even think about that. Bobby has his house. I wonder if there’s a bunker here.” Sam pondered.</p>
<p>“There is,” Castiel replied, “I made it just like the real bunker, but you can always change things if you’d like. I can take you there.” Sam and Dean glanced at each other and smiled.</p>
<p>“That sounds great, Cas.” The angel nodded and put a hand on each of the brothers’ shoulders and with a rush of wind, they were gone.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Castiel had done a good job. The bunker was perfect, it looked exactly the same as it had on Earth. Even the names carved into the table and the floor divots from Jack’s knife practice were there. </p>
<p>The guys went to check out their rooms and they were perfectly replicated as well. Dean sat on the foot of his bed, his head still spinning. Cas was here. They were all back together again. It was a lot to take in. Dean fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He was thrilled, at peace, and more than a little nervous. All the prayers he had made over the months between Cas’s death and his own played through in his mind. </p>
<p>The prayers. He shot upright, suddenly full of questions. There was a hesitant knock at his bedroom door. </p>
<p>“Come in.” Dean said. Castiel opened the door cautiously and stepped into the room. His brow was wrinkled in thought. Cas started to speak and stopped. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.</p>
<p>“Dean…” his voice was strained and pensive. “I wanted to say--” Dean closed the distance between them with two hurried strides.</p>
<p>“Cas, don’t.” Castiel’s face fell and tears welled in the corners of his eyes. He looked at the floor to hide his disappointment. Dean groaned and shook his head. “That’s not what I meant… goddamnit, I don’t know what I meant.” He sighed in frustration and reached out, cupping Cas’s jaw with his hand and turned his face up. Dean took a step closer, putting the two almost nose to nose. They looked at each other like it was the first time they met. Dean’s breath caught in his chest and he felt his face flush. </p>
<p>“I understand.” Cas whispered. </p>
<p>“I don’t think you do.” Dean replied and his thumb traced Cas’s jaw gently, though his hands shook. To his surprise, his stomach fluttered. He had never considered it before, despite the jokes and jabs others made. Their eyes were locked and it seemed that even time stopped. Castiel reached up and put his hand on Dean’s arm in the same place where he had grabbed him to lift him out of hell. </p>
<p>Dean’s heart nearly pounded out of his chest as he leaned in. Cas put his hand against the back of Dean’s head and their lips met with a gentle force that weakened their knees. Tears sprang to Dean’s eyes and he deepened the kiss, pulling Cas against him. The two were lost in the moment, their hands grabbing at the other like they had never needed anything as much in the world. </p>
<p>Finally, Dean broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against Cas’s, struggling to steady his breath and his legs. The two stayed locked in embrace, trembling. </p>
<p>“That was… unexpected.” Cas murmured. “I never would have thought--”</p>
<p>“I didn’t think so either.” Dean replied softly. “It wasn’t until you were gone… I realized I was lost without you. I spent months wishing I had told you. I just, I didn’t know.” His voice cracked and he pulled Cas even closer. The two stood still, just holding each other. Dean buried his face in Castiel’s shoulder and gently nuzzled his neck. </p>
<p>After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Dean kissed Cas gently above the collar of his shirt and whispered in his ear.</p>
<p>“I love you too, Cas.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Let Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Heavy smut ahead.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <h1>Let Go</h1>
</div>Dean and Castiel sat on the foot of Dean’s bed. Cas had draped his trenchcoat over a nearby chair and the silence between them was so profound it seemed to echo. Dean picked at the knee of his jeans absentmindedly. Cas kept shifting uncomfortably, looking everywhere in the room but at Dean. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke.<p>“Dean, what does this mean?” Dean rubbed his forehead.</p><p>“I don’t know. I didn’t know that was going to happen. I haven’t really thought that far.” </p><p>Castiel sighed and nodded his head. </p><p>“I hadn’t considered it either, in truth. It wasn’t something I ever thought possible. I wanted…” Cas fumbled for words. “I wanted to. I want to.” He corrected himself. </p><p>Dean glanced at Castiel. The angel’s cheeks were flushed bright red and he seemed so small and unsure. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he looked… so human, so fragile. He reached out and put his hand on Cas’s shoulder comfortingly. </p><p>“Cas… I don’t know where this is going. But that doesn’t mean I want to stop. I just, we have so much time now. We can take this as slow as you want.” Cas looked up into his eyes and Dean nearly jumped in surprise at the intensity of his gaze.</p><p>“I don’t want to take this slow at all.” Cas’s voice was rough with desire and Dean felt his cock begin to stiffen. It was hard to believe how quickly the angel provoked these desires in him. He hesitated before leaning over and taking Castiel’s face in his hands again and kissing him soundly. Cas steadied himself, gripping Dean’s thigh and Dean moaned quietly against his lips. Castiel took this as encouragement and moved even closer to him, beginning to rub up and down his thigh sensually. Dean ached with need and pressed his chest against Cas, his tongue gently probing his mouth. </p><p>Castiel took Dean in his arms and pressed him back against the bed, climbing onto him. His movements were sudden, strong, and desperate. Dean could feel Castiel’s erection pressed against his own and shuddered. He moved his hand over the back of Cas’s slacks and pulled his hips in even closer. Castiel gasped and broke away from the kiss. He turned his attention to kissing and nibbling at Dean’s neck. </p><p>“If you want to stop, now would be a good time to do so.” Cas whispered huskily into Dean’s ear. His voice made chills run down Dean’s spine. Dean felt his dick throb in response and he instinctively ground his hips into Castiel’s. Instantly, Cas kissed him again and sat up, pulling Dean up with him. The angel’s rough hands stripped Dean of his shirt deftly. Dean hesitated for a  breath before pulling Cas’s tie loose. His fingers shook as he unbuttoned Cas’s shirt. Within moments, the two men’s bare chests were pressed together. Dean couldn’t think straight. Their legs were intertwined as Castiel lay him back carefully on the bed. Cas kissed him without reservation and cradled him in his arms. </p><p>Dean had never felt like this before. When he was with women, he was the dominant one. Castiel’s strength and confidence were both intimidating and arousing. For the first time, maybe ever, Dean felt safe, protected, cared for. Cas held him close and moved his hands slowly to Dean’s hips. His fingers tugged deftly at the waistband of Dean’s jeans and Dean felt his breath catch in his throat. Cas stopped and took his earlobe into his mouth, nibbling gently. </p><p>“Do you want to stop?” Castiel murmured into his ear. Dean shivered and shook his head no. He tried to gather himself a little before replying.</p><p>“I… I like this. I don’t want to stop. I’m just not sure what… I don’t know what I’m ready for.” Cas pulled away a little and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair lovingly before kissing him gently.</p><p>“Then tell me if you want me to stop.” Castiel popped the button on Dean’s pants and slid the zipper down. He kissed him deeply as he slipped his hand down further. When the angel’s hand closed around his aching cock, Dean cried out despite himself. Cas grinned wickedly and planted kisses along his jaw, down his throat, and across his collarbone. Dean groaned and bucked into his hand. He felt like an inexperienced teenager, clutching Cas’s head against him. For someone who prided himself on his skill in bed, he was very close to losing his grip. Cas trailed his lips down Dean’s sternum as it heaved with excitement. Castiel nuzzled his nose into the wispy curls on his chest. He teased his nipple with a few quick flicks of his tongue while his hand worked diligently on Dean’s shaft. Dean gasped as Cas’s mouth closed around his nipple and sucked gently. Dean gripped Cas’s hair and pushed him firmly closer.</p><p>“Cas… Cas, I’m--” Dean threw his head back and his leg twitched reflexively. “I’m close.” Castiel pulled away from his chest just a little and grinned at him.</p><p>“Do you want me to stop?” His voice was husky and teasing. Dean shook his head no and pushed himself further into Cas’s hand. Castiel flicked his tongue against his nipple again and chuckled.</p><p>“I can’t hear you.” Cas murmured. Dean groaned and felt the tell-tale tremble in his stomach.</p><p>“Please, Cas, don’t stop.” He begged, squirming happily under Cas’s touch. “I’m… oh fuck, I’m going to cum.” The angel pressed his chest close against Dean’s and stroked him even faster. Cas’s eyes were half closed and he kissed him briefly, his breathing heavy. Dean could feel Castiel’s swollen cock against his hip as Cas moved against him. </p><p>“Let go, Dean. Give it to me.” Castiel ordered him, quiet and firm. </p><p>That was enough. Dean couldn’t hold on any longer. With a wordless cry, he came, covering both of their stomachs with his hot slick cum. Castiel kissed Dean deeply, his lips lingering. Dean collapsed against the bed, spent and at least a little overwhelmed. </p><p>They lay together in comfortable silence, both a little shocked and fuzzy from what had just happened. Cas rested his head on Dean’s shoulder and they stayed there for several long minutes, quiet and content.</p><p>Suddenly Dean felt awkward and uncomfortable, both because of the semen drying on his stomach and the realization that Cas’s erection was still digging into his hip. He pondered this for a few moments and then found the courage to ask. </p><p>“Do you want me to…?” Castiel didn’t open his eyes or move from his place in Dean’s arms.</p><p>“Do you want to?” Dean stumbled over his thoughts, tried to speak but couldn’t find the words, and fell silent. Cas smiled softly and rubbed the tip of his nose against Dean’s shoulder. “I only want you to feel safe and comfortable, Dean. I’m fine.”</p><p>“Oh, okay.” Dean felt both relieved and disappointed somehow. He wasn’t used to being the one being pampered in any situation. The two lay comfortably in each other’s arms in silence for nearly an hour. Dean almost fell asleep against Cas’s chest. Castiel’s voice woke him abruptly.</p><p>“Dean. I think I need to shower.” Dean’s face flushed red quickly and he sat up, instantly realizing the state he was in as well.</p><p>“Me too.” Awkward, he stood and started toward his bathroom. “I’ll… uh… see you later?” Cas took the hint and nodded.</p><p>“Of course.” With a rush of wind, the angel was gone. Dean grabbed a fresh set of clothes and turned the shower on. He peeled his pants off and stepped under the steaming stream of water. His mind raced as he began to soap up and wash himself off.</p><p>He had sex with Castiel. Not like, sex sex, but definitely enough sex to be second guessing himself now. What in the world did this mean? There was no uncrossing that line, and he didn’t think he wanted to. Even just the thought of Cas’s husky voice telling him to cum sent chills through his body and made his cock stir. He wasn’t gay, he thought, but Castiel… that was different. Cas was something else. When he had the mark and was out palling around with Crowley, there were times he hadn’t cared about whether his target was a woman or a man. That was different, and somehow the same. After all, Cas wasn’t a man. He was an angel in a man’s body. If his vessel was female, they probably would have done the deed years ago. Dean sighed and let the hot water run down his neck and back. He scrubbed the evidence of their tryst from his body but was reluctant to leave the quiet solace of the shower. </p><p>Finally he got out of the shower and toweled off. He was surprised to notice that his dick was half hard again already, but shrugged it off and got dressed quickly. They had all the time in the world to figure this out. For now, he just wanted a cold beer and he knew the perfect place to get one. The Roadhouse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Take Me Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Roadhouse has many pleasant surprises in store for the boys.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! </p><p>We're going to kick back for a bit and enjoy the slow ride. Happy New Year to you and yours! I'm trying to keep up a pace of over 1k words a day for the new year. I hope you enjoy it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel stood in the shower, bracing himself against the wall. He ran his hand over his shaft slowly, revelling in the feeling. He hadn’t really done this before. He hadn’t needed to. But he was going over every moment of what had just happened, and his cock throbbed so that it was almost painful. Dean’s skin against his mouth was driving him wild. The shuddering cry as Dean came still echoed in his mind. Cas worked his hand over himself feverishly. Suddenly he felt his knees go weak and he grunted as he found release.</p><p>It was hard to believe what had happened. And he wanted nothing more than to march back into Dean’s room  and take him fully. Just the thought of it made his face flush and his spent cock twitch in his hand. He was obsessed and he loved it. Cas washed himself off quickly and dressed.</p><p>Sam was in the kitchen drinking a beer and eating something green. Castiel was not surprised. He joined him at the table. Sam cleared his throat and looked at Cas quizzically.</p><p>“How long have you been back, Cas?” Cas sighed. </p><p>“That’s hard for me to tell. Time is different here. I wanted to see both of you, but Jack…”</p><p>Dean entered the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. </p><p>“I wanted to know that too. I was going to ask but…” Dean’s voice trailed off and his ears turned bright red. He didn’t finish his sentence but his eyes met Cas’s and the tension between them was palpable. Sam raised his eyebrows and smirked at them.</p><p>“Jack what, Cas?” Sam asked.</p><p>“He forbade all angels from visiting Earth. And I knew that if I responded to your prayers, I wouldn’t be able to resist going to see you both. It was… hard. But I knew you would be here soon enough, and that brought me some peace.” Cas shrugged. “I have spent quite a lot of time at the Roadhouse. Being around our comrades made it easier to wait.”</p><p>Sam finished his beer and stood.<br/>
“We should go. I’d love to see everyone again.” </p><p>“That sounds like a plan. Let’s go.” Dean responded. Castiel walked past him, suddenly aware of the distance between their bodies. He shut the door between the kitchen and the bedrooms of the bunker while the brothers watched him curiously. </p><p>“Doors are different here.” Cas explained and pushed the door ajar. Instead of the hallway to the bedrooms behind it, the door now opened into the Roadhouse. </p><p>“Oh hell yes!” Dean exclaimed and the three walked into the bar. This Roadhouse felt exactly like the one on Earth, but the main room was significantly larger. It was a good thing too, hunters of all ages and types occupied tables, shot pool, and threw darts. The Winchester brothers shared a surprised smile. There were more hunters in this room than the two of them had ever seen in one place. Ellen looked up from behind the bar and smiled. She lined up several shot glasses and poured neatly from a bottle of whiskey. </p><p>“Well it’s ‘bout time you boys stopped by.” She raised her glass and gestured invitingly at the others on the bar. Dean, Sam, and Cas rushed the bar and each took a shot.<br/>
“To Jack.” Ellen raised her glass with a grin and they all knocked back the dark liquor. Jo came around the corner and shrieked happily when she saw them. She ran to them and gave Dean and Sam a big hug.</p><p>“Took you long enough!” She teased, smacking Dean on the arm. Dean chuckled.</p><p>“Well, it was a while before I found something that could actually take me down.” He boasted. Castiel rolled his eyes and Sam groaned.</p><p>The group was quickly surrounded by others they had lost along the way. Ash clapped the boys on the shoulders.</p><p>“Glad to see you’re back again. I take it this isn’t a short visit like last time?” The group shared a knowing glance. </p><p>“No, Ash. We’re officially retired. Finally.” Dean said, chuckling. A piercing squeal echoed in the room and everyone looked up as Eileen ran into the room and jumped into Sam’s arms. Sam caught her and stumbled back against the bar. She kissed him soundly and whistles and catcalls echoed through the Roadhouse. A flash of copper caught Dean’s eye and drew his attention to a far doorway.<br/>
Charlie stood there, smirking at him. He rushed to her and snatched her up, spinning her in circles until she was laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes.</p><p>“Charlie!” He exclaimed. “I didn’t expect…” The joy in his heart began to crumble and falter. “You’re here. I’m so glad. I--” His breath came ragged for a moment. He remembered the last time he saw her so vividly. “I’m sorry.” Dean’s voice broke and he held her close to his chest. He felt her sigh and begin to pull away. Charlie’s eyes were serious and stone-like.</p><p>“Dean, don’t speak of it.” She insisted, gesturing dismissively. For a moment he was reminded of Charlie the Queen of Moondoor. “We all go sometime. At least I died for a noble cause, unlike some of us.” Dean was caught off guard but his sorrow quickly turned into violent laughter. Once he caught his breath, he wiped his eyes.</p><p>“Does everyone know?” He asked. Mischief glinted in Charlie’s eyes.</p><p>“Yes, when Cas told us, we definitely told literally everyone. Dean Winchester, man of legend, bearer of the Mark of Cain, savior of Apocalypse World, killed by a rusty nail.” Dean’s cheeks flushed and he chuckled. </p><p>“Serves me right.”</p><p>“Damn straight, bitch.” Charlie replied and dragged him back to the bar where Cas, Sam, Eileen, and the Harvelle women were deep in both cups and conversation. A couple of cold beers awaited the two, and they clinked their bottles together out of habit.</p><p>“Good to see you. Dean.” The voice rang out over Dean’s shoulder. He turned, and saw Garth standing there with his signature grin. The man held a shot glass up to Ellen, who filled it quickly and poured the others another round.</p><p>“To long journeys and happy endings. Sláinte” Garth said loudly, turning to face the rest of the room as well. They all downed their shots happily. Garth approached Dean and threw his arms out. “Oh, you know what’s coming, big guy.” Garth laughed and hugged Dean and Sam tightly. </p><p>“Garth, you’re here!” Sam exclaimed. Confusion flushed his face. “I thought… I mean, with you being…” His voice trailed off awkwardly and he stammered as he struggled to find the words. Garth chuckled.</p><p>“I was surprised too! Apparently Jack changed more than a couple things around here. What with Dean’s stories of Purgatory, the boy was concerned about souls going there just because they weren’t human.” Garth shrugged and Cas nodded.</p><p>“Jack… He felt like a monster at times too. He was appalled that all inhuman souls were damned to that eternal battleground. Now, inhumans go to Heaven or Hell, just like everyone else. If they desire Purgatory, that is their choice.” Cas continued. Dean and Sam laughed joyfully and clapped Garth on the shoulders. </p><p>“That’s great news!” Sam grinned. Garth nodded his head with enthusiasm and took a drink of his beer.</p><p>“I just can’t wait until Bess and the pups are here.” He sighed wistfully. </p><p>“Cheers to that!” Ellen proclaimed and the group clinked glasses with a cheer of approval. A comfortable hum of conversation settled over them, but Dean found himself content yet distracted. It had been a long day. Was it still day? Had this truly only been one day? Bobby and Cas were right, time was strange here. Ellen and Jo kept the beers coming and Dean was starting to feel it. With a smirk, he noticed that Garth was quite flushed and giggling. Castiel met Dean’s eyes and they fought back laughter. Dean chose to drown the chuckle in his throat by downing the rest of his beer. He took another from the bartop with a grateful bow of the head to Jo, and retreated outside to escape the quickly growing din. The door clapped shut loudly behind him.</p><p>Dean released a sigh he had not realized he was gripping tightly. His shoulders relaxed and he rolled his head back, turning his gaze to the night sky. Well, that answered his curiosity about days and nights, or perhaps heaven knew that a quiet, cool, starlit night was just what he wanted. It was all a little bit much. To have so many of their family around them now, happy and safe, with no doom looming in the shadows. A light breeze stirred the trees and kept the quiet night from feeling too foreboding. The wind’s whispers were soothing, and Dean sat comfortably in a wicker chair that circled a fire pit a little ways from the Roadhouse. As he settled in, a small flame flickered into being in the aged steel fire pit. A smile spread on his face and Dean stretched his legs out, crossing his ankles and feeling the warmth of the small fire creep up toward his knees. The breeze grew chillier as a result, surprising him. It occurred to him that he hadn’t truly been alone in heaven yet. Having the outdoors to himself was pleasant. He rested his head on the back of the chair, the wicker firm but soothing against the nape of his neck. The stars above were mesmerizing, brighter and clearer than he had ever remembered them being on Earth. He smirked at the thought, wondering now how often he had really taken the time to look at the stars before he died. Dean simply could not remember the last time he had ever gazed into the sky in peace. </p><p>Of course, that peace must be quickly disturbed, else he might actually think about the events of the day. In the distance, a door snapped shut and Dean heard someone scuffing rocks with their shoes as they approached. Bright red hair tickled his nose as Charlie leaned over him, her face beaming in the firelight. </p><p>“Got room for one more?” She asked, but she took the chair next to his before he had the chance to snap out of his contemplative mood. Charlie wiggled happily and propped her feet up in front of the fire too. She pulled her hoodie a little tighter around her and leaned her head back, looking up at the stars like he had been.<br/>
“I used to look at the stars a lot. But they just seem so much clearer here.” Dean looked at her with surprise. “What? That was one thing that LARPing was great for. I mean, the smoke from the fires would disturb the view sometimes, but even then, they were so much prettier there than in the city.” Charlie giggled slyly to herself. “Okay, that was ONE of several things that LARPing was great for.” Dean laughed at that. He rolled his head toward her, cutting his eyes at her with a lop-sided smile. </p><p>“Yeah, you can’t ignore that bonus.” They chuckled and settled into a comfortable silence in the glow of the fire and the cool light of the stars, sipping on their beers. After a while, Charlie spoke.</p><p>“So, you never settled down. I mean, besides…” Her voice trailed off and Dean felt a pang as he thought of Lisa and Ben. That took a moment to push through, and he gave himself time to calm his voice.</p><p>“No, I never did. I don’t think--” He cut himself off and chewed on the inside of his cheek and his thoughts.<br/>
“I don’t think I ever gave myself the chance to, Charlie. After all the people we lost. You, Bobby, Kevin… And after how things ended up with…” It was his turn to trail his words into unsettled silence.<br/>
“I didn’t want to hurt anyone else.” Charlie sat up sharply and turned to him, suddenly serious and soft, somehow at the same time. </p><p>“You know, you can’t control how other people feel about you. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I wouldn’t change a single thing about what happened.” She said it so matter of factly.</p><p>“That I know.” Dean remarked before it even crossed his mind.</p><p>“Oh, really?” Charlie’s curiosity was piqued and her left eyebrow nearly flew to her hairline. “That sounds like a story I’d like to hear.” Dean blushed to the tips of his ears and turned his attention pointedly to the fire pit.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stammered. Charlie smirked and settled back into her chair, taking a swig from her beer. </p><p>“All right then, keep your secrets.” She quoted to him slyly, but the reference went clear over his head. Dean was already distracted by this train of thought and he had taken back to watching the flames dance. They sat again in silence. He had forgotten how easy it was to talk to her, and how easily she picked up on the things he did not say. He thought he should be more cautious, and then began wondering why he felt that way. This was Charlie. Of all people, she wouldn’t flinch. He was still wrestling with these ideas when the pair heard the Roadhouse door slam shut again. </p><p>Castiel approached them awkwardly.<br/>
“I am not interrupting?” He asked, catching Dean’s eyes with intent.</p><p>“Of course not.” Charlie said as she stood and smiled kindly at him. Castiel sighed with relief and bowed his head to her in greeting.</p><p>“Dean, I don’t think Sam will be coming back to the bunker tonight. It seems he and Eileen would like to… catch up.” The way the angel said some things made the idea of air quotes seem quite literal. Dean thought he could actually see the words “catch up” floating in the space between them. Charlie snickered.</p><p>“I’m sure they do.” She replied snarkily. The only acknowledgement Cas gave this was that the tips of his ears turned quite pink. He looked to Dean, brushing off the comment.</p><p>“I can take us back to the bunker whenever you would like.” Dean felt a flush rising in his cheeks at this, and caught Charlie staring at them intently. He stood, suddenly full of swagger and brimming with machismo.</p><p>“I mean,” he gestured casually, “I’m ready to go back whenever. It’s not like we don’t have plenty of time to catch up with everyone.” Dean shrugged casually and took a long drink, ignoring Charlie’s slowly growing smirk.<br/>
“We were just trying to get away from the crowd in there anyway. Today has been… a lot.” Charlie had her lips pressed so hard together that they were beginning to turn white, her nostrils were flaring and her eyes were about to burst from her head. Castiel took a quick stride and was suddenly very near Dean, almost touching him. Dean couldn’t decide if he wanted to step away from the angel or close the distance immediately. The indecision flushed his face. Then he caught Charlie watching and grinning like the cat who got the canary. </p><p>“I’ll leave you boys… to… it.” She drawled keenly, raising her beer to the pair and sauntering back inside. Dean felt his chest tighten. Charlie was definitely too smart to keep in the dark for long, that would have to be addressed soon. But as soon as the thought formed, he heard the door slam behind her and then it was just Cas and him in the starlight. His heart thrummed in his throat and the distance between the two of them was instantly electric. </p><p>Castiel took a half step toward him and set his hand gently on Dean’s arm, looking at him with half-closed eyes.<br/>
“Dean, would you like to go home?” Cas’s voice was deep and rumbling. Dean felt a shiver run through him and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He took Castiel’s shoulder in his hand and looked deep into his electric blue eyes. Trepidation trembled in his stomach and his legs… not to mention other places.</p><p>“Take me home, Cas.” Dean whispered. Castiel wrapped an arm around him and with a blink, they were gone.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. We Can Try</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>People have **feelings**.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! <br/>Mood: "We Can Try" -Between the Trees</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had been alone in the bunker before, but this time was… different. Castiel had blinked the two of them into the library, and they stood there for a long time with Cas’s arm around Dean and the two of them looking for answers in the other’s eyes. Dean found it somehow both comforting and nerve-wracking. His first impulse was to pull away from the angel, but he discovered that he could not move.</p>
<p>Castiel met Dean’s subtle but sharp green eyes and felt a quiver in his heart. Cas pulled away from him, not out of repulsion. He put his hands against Dean’s hips and held him away from him so that he could look more deeply into his captivating eyes. Castiel felt a thrill that started at the base of his spine and ran through his body, leaving his fingers tingling with heavy yet somehow delightful anticipation. Cas brought his hand up and delicately traced Dean’s freckles with a gentle fingertip. Dean’s breath caught in his chest and he was entranced. He quivered under the angel’s careful touch. Castiel’s heart beat hard and fast in his chest and his fingers lingered over Dean’s face. </p>
<p>“Dean…” Castiel’s voice wavered, but his ministrations did not. Dean looked at him expectantly. “I--” the angel hesitated,  “I just want to be here, with you, in whatever way you will have me.”</p>
<p>Dean sighed and took a step forward, embracing Castiel and resting his head against his chest.</p>
<p>“I know, Cas. I just, I’m tired. I think I need to lie down.” Dean nuzzled his nose against Cas’s neck and the angel sighed happily. </p>
<p>“Come here,” Cas said, swooping Dean up into his arms. “I will take you to bed.” </p>
<p>“I need to sleep.” Dean murmured and turned his face further into Cas’s chest, though he felt rest already settling into his arms and legs. </p>
<p>“You can sleep.” The angel insisted, though Dean had his reservations. He began to protest Castiel holding him this way, but with a rush of wings, the pair were in Dean’s room. Cas laid him on the bed and stood over him. Dean kicked his boots off and looked up. The angel simply stared down at him, his expression unclear. </p>
<p>Cas was mesmerized. He could not put to words the emotions that swelled in his heart. Dean rested on the bed, his green eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy and his head settled comfortably in the crook of his arm. Castiel gazed at him, taking in every inch, and wishing that time would stop. Every little part of this vision was somehow both deeply familiar and absolutely new. His ankles crossed, one wool sock covered foot perched upon the other. His worn jeans and old leather belt, which Dean was now trying to take off without actually moving. He fumbled with it lazily and Cas’s eyes burned as he watched the muscles moving under Dean’s soft gray t-shirt and open flannel. He did not seem to be having much luck with the belt. </p>
<p>“Here, let me--” Castiel sat beside him and set to removing the stubborn thing. Their fingers met and Cas felt the breath catch in his chest, but he kept his promise and resisted temptation. Finally, the ornery belt was dropped on the floor and Dean mumbled with contentment, his eyes closing as he sighed. Cas reached out and brushed his fingers across the sleeping man’s brow and softly smiled. He settled into the armchair near the bed and closed his eyes as well, lacing his fingers together. An indescribable peace washed over him as he rested there in the dim lamplight, happily listening to the breathing of the man he loved falling into a gentle slumber.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Dean woke sometime several hours later, suddenly uncomfortable and a little cold. He began to work his jeans off his hips before he noticed Cas in the chair, pretending to sleep. He shimmied his pants off and discarded his flannel shirt as well before pulling the thick blanket over himself.</p>
<p>“Cas.” he whispered, though he didn’t know why. The angel’s striking blue eyes slowly opened. “Come lie down. You’re creeping me out just sitting there… and I’m cold.” He added in a small voice. Castiel smiled and undressed to his shorts and undershirt as well, climbing into bed beside Dean. He swore he could almost hear the smile creep across his face. The two fell comfortably back into silence and sleep.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When Dean woke, he found his head against Castiel’s shoulder and his leg wrapped around him. The room seemed a little cold to him, but it only made their tangled bodies under the thick blanket even more enjoyable. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to get out of bed, ever. The light from the lamp at his bedside was just a little too bright and he reached over to turn it off, but hesitated. The memories of that night in that small cold room with Cas flooded him. And the nights after, when he would drink until everything seemed to be moving, not just the shadows. He felt a chill creep over him and he turned back to bury his face in Cas’s chest, leaving the light still steadily beaming against the shadows in the corners of the room. He shuddered ever so slightly and tried to get warm, but the bumps on his arms would not go away. </p>
<p>Dean felt Castiel shift and looked up at his face. The angel stared at him with concern and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. </p>
<p>“What is it?” Cas asked with a low rumble. Dean shook his head in response and rested his face against his chest again. The two lie casually entwined and awake but silent. </p>
<p>Dean wrestled with his thoughts. The whole situation stirred ideas and feelings that made him uncomfortable. He found himself deeply restless and swung out of bed quickly. Dean pulled his jeans back on and shook his head, rushing out of the room and trembling with each step. In the hallway right before the kitchen, his will crumbled and he broke down. Annoyed, agitated, and afraid, he struck out against the tile and immediately felt the sharp swell in his knuckles. He couldn’t stop.</p>
<p>Dean fixated upon a particular pattern of tile in the bunker. All of the fear and frustration he had felt for the last few months bubbled out of him, like a pot set to boil that ran over, foam spilling onto the heat and hissing. His hands and arms began to ache but the skin over his knuckles didn’t split. This wasn’t working. With a swear, Dean kicked the wall and stormed into the kitchen. He took a beer from the fridge and sat down hard on the floor. He felt so tired. And angry. And stupid for being angry because what the hell was there to be angry about anymore? He was here with Cas in Jack’s heaven remake. Everything was going to be okay. Hell, everything already <b>was</b> okay and he was just being a pissy baby. Dean popped the cap off his beer and took a long drink. When he lowered the bottle, he saw Castiel lingering awkwardly in the doorway, looking worried and more than a little disapproving. </p>
<p>“Dean, what is it?” Cas asked again, but softer this time as he padded over to Dean, barefoot on the cold concrete floor. The angel crouched down in front of him intently. Dean sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t even think straight. How was he supposed to explain this?</p>
<p>“I… I don’t know.” He took another drink from his beer but Castiel didn’t move at all. He was waiting and Dean was painfully aware of every moment of silence that passed between them. <br/>“It just doesn’t make sense, man. I know you said before you couldn’t answer, and you couldn’t tell me you were okay. But we spent months, <b>I</b> spent months looking for some way…” His voice broke and he stopped, afraid to continue and discover just how mad he was. Castiel’s face fell, and he sat down on the cold floor too.</p>
<p>“You’re angry.” It was barely more than a whisper.</p>
<p>“No,” Dean interjected, but he wavered, “Well, yes, but no. I don’t know, Cas.” </p>
<p>“It was longer for you than it was for me.” Castiel sighed. “I could tell.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>“From your prayers.” Castiel rested his forehead on his knees. He couldn’t look at Dean, not with this weighing on him. “I heard your prayers.” Those words hung in the air and seemed to stretch the silence. The potential of them grew more and more the longer they sat contemplating. </p>
<p>Dean thought of the many different moments when he assumed he had been alone, when he believed that he was screaming into the void. Some of them were hazy drunken pleas he could scarcely remember. Others he could remember perfectly well, but that didn’t relieve him either. How much had he said when he was blind with grief and begging?</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” Castiel choked out, his head still bowed. “Dean, could you ever forgive me?” The wall of stillness had finally buckled and Cas’s hands shook as the words rushed out of his mouth. “I heard every single one. When it got bad, Jack had no choice. He’d changed the rules about visiting Earth and I was like a rabid dog. I needed to be with you. Just to tell you that I was okay. That I’d see you again, and soon, and we would have the rest of time. That it was okay.” His voice broke and tears tumbled down his nose and he still would not look up. “That night…” </p>
<p>Tears came to Dean’s eyes too and he fought hard against them. That night. The night after everything was settled, with the smoke and dust cleared and Chuck was defeated and Jack was in Heaven, it had all struck him at once. The boys had gotten terribly drunk telling stories and laughing, but Sam had long since stumbled to bed. Dean kept drinking and looking at photos. They should have taken more. There were a lot of things they should have done more. Long drives without a purpose. Karaoke. Dean chuckled at the thought of making a regular karaoke night with Castiel, but his laughter quickly spiraled into sobs. They should have slowed down… or sped up. </p>
<p>The thought made his head spin even more than he imagined possible. He took another slug of whiskey straight from the bottle as if the burning liquid would clear his mind of this line of questioning. However, it wouldn’t stop. The dam had broken and as it did, the knot in his chest unravelled with each ragged spluttering gasp. The convulsions turned his stomach and he lurched to his feet, emptying his gut into the big kitchen sink. He clutched the porcelain under his hands so hard he thought it would cut into his fingers. His knees buckled but he held himself up long enough to rinse his mouth before he sank back onto the floor. </p>
<p>Dean clutched his knees to his chest and rested his head on his knees. The sobbing slowly quieted, making the bunker seem so much larger and emptier. The spinning hit a steady pace and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold on much longer. He stood and stumbled to the nearest arm chair, sinking into it with defeat. The room wobbled and he with it, fighting futilely the yawning darkness that was coming for him. With his last drop of consciousness, the plea seemed to burst straight from his chest. </p>
<p>“Cas, don’t go, I need you to know,” Dean slurred, “I love you. If you stay, you can have me. We can like get a cabin somewhere and be gay or whatever and... I have a dog. You’d like him. He’s nice like you… okay well you better wake me up or Imma be real… real sad. Real sad, Cas. And I don’t know how to be this sad… I just don’t.” His head fell back and a tear dried on his cheek as he fell deep into restless sleep.</p>
<p>Dean felt a flush of shame as he remembered that moment. Knowing that Castiel had heard him and hadn’t come was so much worse. The tears ran hot down his face but he didn’t make a sound. Cas reached out and touched his face, turning it up.</p>
<p>“I would have burned the gates of heaven and doused the fires of hell to get to you, and Jack knew it, Dean. He clipped my wings, I was furious. I had to tell you.” Cas paused. “I think that’s what made him think to alter time here. He saw how distraught I was without you, wanted to make it easier for others.” </p>
<p>Castiel was rambling. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to say, and not the first clue of how to do so. He gave up and closed the distance between them in earnest. He pushed Dean against the cabinet firmly, taking his face in his hands and turning it up to his. Castiel kissed him fast but hard. Pressing their foreheads together, Cas looked into Dean’s eyes and whispered.</p>
<p>“Please, Dean, forgive me.” Dean tucked his hand against the back of Cas’s neck, holding them close together.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your fault… but I wish you had told me about the deal before it was too late.” Dean chided him, but his eyes were soft and slightly sorrowful. Castiel brushed his lips gently against the freckles on Dean’s cheek.</p>
<p>“You would have done something to stop me, and Jack wouldn’t be Jack, we may not have won, Dean, and we wouldn’t be here, together, now.” Cas’s voice was quiet and solemn. “I made the choice I did, and now heaven is set right and all those we lost… we get the peace and joy we could never have in life. This victory, this was our purpose, the <i>true</i> design, not Chuck’s. All those years of fighting and falling and failing, they came together. This burden that only we could bear to fruition.” He paused and wavered.<br/>“I regret that it hurt you, that we were apart… but nothing else.”</p>
<p>Castiel had such conviction. Dean smiled reluctantly and kissed the angel on the tip of his nose.</p>
<p>“Then I suppose we will just have to enjoy what we have now, while we can.”</p>
<p>“There are no monsters in the shadows here, Dean.” Castiel remarked drily.</p>
<p>“I am unconvinced.” He replied, only slightly mocking Cas’s tone of voice. Mischief glinted in both of their eyes, but the feigned innocence that spread over the angel’s face made him a little nervous.</p>
<p>“I suppose there is nothing left to do but distract you then.” Cas threatened. Dean smirked and felt his heart flutter.</p>
<p>“You can try.”</p>
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